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Grand Poobah
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21,090 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A US soldier boarded a train on his way home from deployment. The train was quite crowded, and the soldier walked the entire length looking for a seat.
There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle.
The war-weary soldier asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The soldier walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. "Please, Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired," he asked again.
She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!" This time the soldier didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up.
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You hold the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bi_tch out the window."
 

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Grand Poobah
Joined
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21,090 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
And now for Mad Russian's version:

Comrade in People's Army board train.
Is after Battle of Kursk. Many tired. Is wishing to return to hut and build communism with villagers.
Train full, is only train in Latvia. Only seat belonging next to foreign capitalist. Is dog in seat.
Strange creature! Nothing like dogs in old country. Small and useless like child's schalinski.

Comrade is exhaust from killing many fascists. Say, Woman, may seat become mine? Woman sniff like sick of flu, say, Comrades rude. Seat is belonging to tiny creature.

Comrade walk train again. Only seat able to sit, is under strange dog. Say, I beg of you woman, allow sit. Very tired from killing of fascisti. Arms ache from thrusting bayonet, teeth ache from tearing out hearts. Woman snort, say, Comrades also full of insolent pride!

Comrade not say word. Take creature, throw out window, and sit. Foreign capitalist scream, Defend me!
Death to comrade!
Another foreign capitalist is sit near, say, Comrade, you Latvian do wrong thing all the time. Do not use fork because are too poor. Do not drive because are froze. Now, comrade, have made grave mistake. Was using that dog to smuggle potato into old country. Without potato, all starve!

People's Army hear report of capitalists on train, get on board to arrest. But all had already starve because comrade threw creature containing potato out window. How glorious! People's Army avoid paperwork of arrest, passengers are saved from gulag by sweet embrace of death. Is happy ending for all.
 

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Premium Member
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7,032 Posts
And now for Mad Russian's version:

Comrade in People's Army board train.
Is after Battle of Kursk. Many tired. Is wishing to return to hut and build communism with villagers.
Train full, is only train in Latvia. Only seat belonging next to foreign capitalist. Is dog in seat.
Strange creature! Nothing like dogs in old country. Small and useless like child's schalinski.

Comrade is exhaust from killing many fascists. Say, Woman, may seat become mine? Woman sniff like sick of flu, say, Comrades rude. Seat is belonging to tiny creature.

Comrade walk train again. Only seat able to sit, is under strange dog. Say, I beg of you woman, allow sit. Very tired from killing of fascisti. Arms ache from thrusting bayonet, teeth ache from tearing out hearts. Woman snort, say, Comrades also full of insolent pride!

Comrade not say word. Take creature, throw out window, and sit. Foreign capitalist scream, Defend me!
Death to comrade!
Another foreign capitalist is sit near, say, Comrade, you Latvian do wrong thing all the time. Do not use fork because are too poor. Do not drive because are froze. Now, comrade, have made grave mistake. Was using that dog to smuggle potato into old country. Without potato, all starve!

People's Army hear report of capitalists on train, get on board to arrest. But all had already starve because comrade threw creature containing potato out window. How glorious! People's Army avoid paperwork of arrest, passengers are saved from gulag by sweet embrace of death. Is happy ending for all.
I couldn't help myself but to read it with a Russian accent. And I was reading silently.
 

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Premium Member
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3,185 Posts
Same here. Vas very gud aksent.
 
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