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The Language of Planet Manhattan

2K views 33 replies 24 participants last post by  zzrguy 
#1 ·
http://booksbikesboomsticks.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-language-of-planet-manhattan.html?spref=fb

The Language Of Planet Manhattan...

So the cast of the Today show this morning was still gawping and emoting about the armed intruder who vaulted the fence around the Lightbringer's manse and perpetrated lèse-majesté all over the carpet.

He was never the "intruder", always the "armed intruder" and I wondered to myself "If he was armed, why didn't he use his weapon on either of the White House cops he tussled with?" and then they showed a picture of his weapon...


A Spyderco pocket knife... "He's from Texas, honey," I yelled at the television, startling the cats, "That's not 'armed', that's 'dressed', you island-dwelling herbivore!"

Jesus, you cud-chewing Eloi, how do you people open packages? With your teeth, like an animal?

ETA: It occurred to me that these people buy a new trinket at the store in its shoplifting-resistant packaging and then they can't get at it! They wander the streets staring at their new toy behind its shiny transparent plastic barrier like the Little Match Girl outside the sweets shop window, helpless to actually play with their purchase until they reach home and their blunt-end scissors. **** habilis could have used his obsidian flake to get into the thing and gone hooting across the savannah with his iPod in his hands, but the knifeless **** cubiculus can't do a thing until he gets back to his cave.
 
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#8 ·
7 serrations, now that's funny.
 
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#9 ·
If I'm bent over in the shower, luffa-ing my calves, and I notice through my legs that there's a stranger suddenly standing there with a fifteen inch long, four inch around salami somewhere on his person, the guy is leaving in a body bag. The best part will be the splashy pictures of said salami all over News 12, and then the sarcastic posts on this forum about banning salamis and girth limits and so on.

Context.
 
#10 ·
Never even thought about that. I'm still hung up on why Fox News is so upset about it. If Obama is so dangerous, why would they care if someone gets to him?

You see the story about Obama being in an elevator with an armed guard who works for one of the federal agencies? Federal contractor carrying a gun as a condition of employment, riding an elevator with Obama and SS flipped because they didn't know he had a gun. Turns out the guy was a convicted felon, but everyone is mad that he got near the President, not that the government gave yet another criminal a gun.
 
#21 ·
Two words... "President Biden"...and he could run for re-election....twice!
 
#11 ·
............ true story . After 9/11 my lumber yard locked the sheet rock blades and misc. sharp things in a glass cabinet up front . So I ask the counter guy to get me a pack of blades , he gets it , gives it to me , and now I am paying at the counter. I'm standing there and a landscaper brings a machete off the shelf and puts it on the counter.
 
#15 · (Edited by Moderator)
Tha's hysterical! For you trade guys, look at the HD app or a prior receipt for the store number, that's the combo for the knives and the paint. I only mention this so you don't have to waste time finding the framing squares so you can sneak the knives out of the cabinet. Because there is never an idiot in an orange apron when you need one.
 
#13 ·
I've told this story before but I'll tell it again...

A year or so ago I was accused by a coworker of only using my pocket knife BECAUSE I carry it. I was so stupefied that I had to take a moment to think. Then he started with the spiel about why do I need to carry a weapon. By then my brain hurt so much I just walked away and continued opening my package.

I give up trying to understand this stupidity.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk
 
#23 ·
One of the world's best gun collections and sales showrooms is in Manhattan.

http://www.hollandan...com/newyork.php

Now THAT'S a gun store. Ah, then again, I'll bet they don't have any .22 LR either.
HOLLAND and HOLLAND was featured on How It's Made last night. Pretty crazy how they are crafted...figured to myself...those are probably kind of expensive...looked it up and I think my jaw is still on the floor.
 
#33 ·
I've been to the Beretta gallery uptown (IIRC 5th and 77th) and it was aaawwweeesssooommmeee! Beretta shotguns that were works of art and some rally beautiful Sako rifles. They had one small room on the third floor with the top end shotguns, one of which was $160K. I didn't dare breath on it let alone touch it.

I keep saying I have to make it up to H&H but I'm afraid they won't let my kind in.
 
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